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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

And, how *not* to query agents. . .

Here's a tip, if you can't be bothered to write your own query letter, what makes you think your writing is salable? Writing a query is writing, this is the skill you are attempting to sell. If you can't sell your skill at writing by writing something, that should tell you something. Unfortunately scamsters will persist is marketing crap that relies on the persistent belief that something other than writing something publishable is the key to authorial success.

Welcome to Instant Query Letters Software, a transparent scam preying on the unpublished masses who're convinced that there's some secret that all the professionals are trying to hide from them. This software promises to include:

  • Complete Information - "Instant Query Letters" contains all of the vital pieces of information that the most demanding editors require. [SWANN: Things like your address, the word count, and a description of what you're trying to sell. Thank God someone wrote a program to keep track of this stuff, it's complicated.]
  • Simple Q and A Format - All you have to do is answer a few easy questions about your article or book and press a button. A completely irresistible Query Letter suddenly appears before you ready to use immediately! [SWANN: I dunno, I think once an editor receives the 10,000th form letter query he or she would build up a bit of a resistance.]
  • Major Time Saver - Why spend all your valuable time trying to craft the "perfect" Query Letter? Just pull up "Instant Query Letters" and let it create one for you! You should be spending your valuable time writing, not struggling over the "perfect" Query Letter! [SWANN: Not like the Query letter is actually writing. All you're doing is trying to communicate your ideas to another human being in the most interesting way possible. We writers can't waste our time doing that.]
  • Convenient Word Count Feature- Why bother counting your words when you can let Instant Query Letters do it for you? [SWANN: Get the feeling they were running out of features to hype?]
So, remember, as they say, "Do NOT Buy Any Query Letter Products Unless They Meet These Requirements!"

But, you know what, let's shorten that to: "Do NOT Buy Any Query Letter Products!"


RobRoy said...

I'll wait for the upgrade version, which will write your query letter, proposal AND your novel for you. That way I don't have to be bothered with all those tedious key-strokes!